Athetism - Am I going towards it?

Anyway kinda happy that I'm updating my blog very regularly these days :) I love this default blogskin.

I used to laugh at athetism. Really... I used to ask them how the fuck do you think the world came out on its own? The Big Bang theory? OMG. Lol naive.

But the more I think about it, I feel like being a free-thinker.

Not because of the many restrictions I see in religion, but I feel many are deluding me from real issues.

No matter how hard I try, God never seems to be in my life. They all tell us to have faith. Yeah. I had enough. Faith, I had faith for way too long. If this is part of his so called big plan, then I really haven seen the fruits for a very long time.

Sometimes I really wonder if I'm a fool, instead of finding concrete answers to my problems, I turn to God. I wonder if he really listens. I know thou shall not doubt him, but he didn't give me anything. No answers, no grace. Just hardcore reality, problems not solved.

Sometimes I do really feel like I got the answer. But in the end, it all turns out the same. The world is still just one fucked up place.

Lol I'm not like a major monster with lots of resentment now. I'm calm and concious of what I'm doing. I just feel that relying on religion for hope isn't what I'm looking for. It may be a crutch for some, but sorry it ain't working for me.

My gf always said that I was created in Heaven, so pure and undeluded. So sad to say that there is no heaven, only Earth. Earth is earth, only 80 years of life here. Live it to the fullest. And yeah perhaps its like what Tabula Rasa suggests, I was brought here as a blank shell, and then filled with all earthly stuff.

Well I'm just considering really. 20 years of going to church, I can't just say that I'll let go. Though I feel exhausted, Jesus has always been a part of my life. After all I'm human.

And yeah to some who know me well personally, yeah I'm pretty ownage already, but It's very unorganized. Just need to organize.

But just to clear things up, I'm not suggesting that we should all throw all the rules and start a havoc party. I still believe in the natural laws of justice and all. I believe in love. But the natural law of survival still applies and is too true to ignore. Perhaps I should just take a break from church for a while and clear things up in my head and then make a clear decision.