Anyway kinda happy that I'm updating my blog very regularly these days :) I love this default blogskin.
I used to laugh at athetism. Really... I used to ask them how the fuck do you think the world came out on its own? The Big Bang theory? OMG. Lol naive.
But the more I think about it, I feel like being a free-thinker.
Not because of the many restrictions I see in religion, but I feel many are deluding me from real issues.
No matter how hard I try, God never seems to be in my life. They all tell us to have faith. Yeah. I had enough. Faith, I had faith for way too long. If this is part of his so called big plan, then I really haven seen the fruits for a very long time.
Sometimes I really wonder if I'm a fool, instead of finding concrete answers to my problems, I turn to God. I wonder if he really listens. I know thou shall not doubt him, but he didn't give me anything. No answers, no grace. Just hardcore reality, problems not solved.
Sometimes I do really feel like I got the answer. But in the end, it all turns out the same. The world is still just one fucked up place.
Lol I'm not like a major monster with lots of resentment now. I'm calm and concious of what I'm doing. I just feel that relying on religion for hope isn't what I'm looking for. It may be a crutch for some, but sorry it ain't working for me.
My gf always said that I was created in Heaven, so pure and undeluded. So sad to say that there is no heaven, only Earth. Earth is earth, only 80 years of life here. Live it to the fullest. And yeah perhaps its like what Tabula Rasa suggests, I was brought here as a blank shell, and then filled with all earthly stuff.
Well I'm just considering really. 20 years of going to church, I can't just say that I'll let go. Though I feel exhausted, Jesus has always been a part of my life. After all I'm human.
And yeah to some who know me well personally, yeah I'm pretty ownage already, but It's very unorganized. Just need to organize.
But just to clear things up, I'm not suggesting that we should all throw all the rules and start a havoc party. I still believe in the natural laws of justice and all. I believe in love. But the natural law of survival still applies and is too true to ignore. Perhaps I should just take a break from church for a while and clear things up in my head and then make a clear decision.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Life isn't a flower bed
One of my friends approached me yesterday. Told me he wanna change. He said he will never get what he wants if he continue to be this way.
Which sets me thinking. True, perhaps in my relationship life I already got what I wanted primarily. But I have not got what I want in other areas of my life. I find myself sitting here, feeling the same way I did a year ago.
This is bad, I have not progressed.
I'm still late, finding hard to commit time to do tutorials, still with the same stupid 3.255 GPA, still fucking broke, still not doing my gym.
I'm 21 years old. I realized I cannot really compare myself to my other counterparts. I'm already behind the race.
My dreams will just vanish with age if I don't do something about it. But no matter how hard I try at this level, they just backfire.
Which only leads me to one conclusion. Perhaps my friend is right. Perhaps by forcing myself to change, I can really achieve what I want.
It would be painful and will push me out of my comfort zone. People may not know me anymore, but I'm willing to take the chance.
I need to move on to a whole different level. I only hope those around me will understand. And my friend, though we are experiencing this in a whole different level, believe me, I understand the pain and rage of being stuck here.
But I believe, we'll get out of this.
Which sets me thinking. True, perhaps in my relationship life I already got what I wanted primarily. But I have not got what I want in other areas of my life. I find myself sitting here, feeling the same way I did a year ago.
This is bad, I have not progressed.
I'm still late, finding hard to commit time to do tutorials, still with the same stupid 3.255 GPA, still fucking broke, still not doing my gym.
I'm 21 years old. I realized I cannot really compare myself to my other counterparts. I'm already behind the race.
My dreams will just vanish with age if I don't do something about it. But no matter how hard I try at this level, they just backfire.
Which only leads me to one conclusion. Perhaps my friend is right. Perhaps by forcing myself to change, I can really achieve what I want.
It would be painful and will push me out of my comfort zone. People may not know me anymore, but I'm willing to take the chance.
I need to move on to a whole different level. I only hope those around me will understand. And my friend, though we are experiencing this in a whole different level, believe me, I understand the pain and rage of being stuck here.
But I believe, we'll get out of this.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saturdays are well... Saturdays
Me and my dad seriously got issues.
I don't see eye to him ever.
Well, what's new?
I'm an adult now. I know what I'm doing. Why can't he understand? If he can't understand my life, so be it. But why must he accuse me of the same things always?
If I'm at the com, it would be a game. Like wake up call? NYP uses the laptop? I need the laptop to study? If he sees me really playing a game, great. Now his claims are validated, just because I decided to take a one hour break from studying.
Never mind. He never understands.
Anyway went out with Bryce and Jov to study at Bishan today. Didn't get much done but sure had fun. Lol just between us, let us pray that "All that have the goods show, and all that don't... Well don't show then" Lol our childhood is traumatized. Anyway it's an internal joke so don't bother trying to decipher.
Just found out that my gf has a gazillion hot (10/10) friends (girls) on facebook. Wth... Well perhaps that's why she always keeps me away from her profile lol. Well... No surprise. Dangerous to keep me there man.
It sure feels good to get it.
And Bryce, JIAYOU! PERSERVERANCE! YOU CAN DO IT!
And yes Pammy baby. I still miss you more than you miss me :P
I don't see eye to him ever.
Well, what's new?
I'm an adult now. I know what I'm doing. Why can't he understand? If he can't understand my life, so be it. But why must he accuse me of the same things always?
If I'm at the com, it would be a game. Like wake up call? NYP uses the laptop? I need the laptop to study? If he sees me really playing a game, great. Now his claims are validated, just because I decided to take a one hour break from studying.
Never mind. He never understands.
Anyway went out with Bryce and Jov to study at Bishan today. Didn't get much done but sure had fun. Lol just between us, let us pray that "All that have the goods show, and all that don't... Well don't show then" Lol our childhood is traumatized. Anyway it's an internal joke so don't bother trying to decipher.
Just found out that my gf has a gazillion hot (10/10) friends (girls) on facebook. Wth... Well perhaps that's why she always keeps me away from her profile lol. Well... No surprise. Dangerous to keep me there man.
It sure feels good to get it.
And Bryce, JIAYOU! PERSERVERANCE! YOU CAN DO IT!
And yes Pammy baby. I still miss you more than you miss me :P
Friday, May 22, 2009
In Love
Love is not only a feeling. It is committment, decision, concious and unconcious. It is giving and not taking. It does not demand, but gives fully.
How do you know you're in love?
When you think of nothing but her, till it becomes an obsession. When her smile brings colors to your world, and her tears washes the rainbow away.
It is when your love is not reciprocated, but you foolishly give anyway.
Even when you love is rewarded, but you still give the same way and ask nothing in return.
It happens when you think about nothing but her well-bring, her happiness.
It is when you do your every best in everything you do to become the best human being on Earth so that you can better take care of her.
It occurs when you look into her eyes and everything makes sense. Your existence is justified. Enough said.
It is when two becomes one, we know each other and yet anticipate knowing more.
It is when you hold her in your arms and want nothing more in the world.
It is when her imperfections made her perfect for you.
It is when you spin her around in the air and feel like the world is a merry go round.
It is when you told her: "I will take you away from all this. I promise."
It is when you realize that Love is not only about yourself. Its about you and her.
It is when you told her "I love you." And those three words came from the heart.
How do you know you're in love?
When you think of nothing but her, till it becomes an obsession. When her smile brings colors to your world, and her tears washes the rainbow away.
It is when your love is not reciprocated, but you foolishly give anyway.
Even when you love is rewarded, but you still give the same way and ask nothing in return.
It happens when you think about nothing but her well-bring, her happiness.
It is when you do your every best in everything you do to become the best human being on Earth so that you can better take care of her.
It occurs when you look into her eyes and everything makes sense. Your existence is justified. Enough said.
It is when two becomes one, we know each other and yet anticipate knowing more.
It is when you hold her in your arms and want nothing more in the world.
It is when her imperfections made her perfect for you.
It is when you spin her around in the air and feel like the world is a merry go round.
It is when you told her: "I will take you away from all this. I promise."
It is when you realize that Love is not only about yourself. Its about you and her.
It is when you told her "I love you." And those three words came from the heart.
Turning Tide
Recently feel like the tide is turning again. I'm getting back to my old self. Hopefully the same can happen to my physical self. My aim? To see my six pack once again in 4 months time! Mwahaha!
Have to catch up on all the school I missed. This time I so determined to beat Calculus. I won't be beaten by it like last time. I shall conquer. Lol first step is to take the hypnotic lecturer's teachings into positive notions of learning.
After much thinking, I decided to share much more interesting stuff on my blog to give positive influence to its readers.
Have to catch up on all the school I missed. This time I so determined to beat Calculus. I won't be beaten by it like last time. I shall conquer. Lol first step is to take the hypnotic lecturer's teachings into positive notions of learning.
After much thinking, I decided to share much more interesting stuff on my blog to give positive influence to its readers.
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